


25 Signs The Joker Is Into You

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom, The Joker dcu - Fandom, joker DCU
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Feelings, Feels, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Funny, Gotham City - Freeform, Hilarious, Idiots in Love, Implied Relationships, Joker - Freeform, Joker Fellings, Joker Joker, Joker dcu - Freeform, Jokes, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Neck Kissing, Partners in Crime, Relationship(s), Romance, Romantic Fluff, Short & Sweet, Suicide Squad, Sweet, The Joker - Freeform, The Joker Jared Leto, The Joker Suicide Squad, Villains, king/queen - Freeform, sweet/funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 07:22:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17844968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: A collection of my Joker stories containing numbers in title.You can also follow me On Tumblr and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A collection of my Joker stories containing numbers in title. 
> 
> You can also follow me On Tumblr and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

1\. The Joker burns down your house because he wants you to stay at the penthouse all the time.

“Baby, did you do this?!” you ask since he’s the prime suspect in your books.

“Nope,” the short answer doesn’t give him extra points.

“Are you sure???”

“Innocent until proven guilty, Doll.”

2\. J tells you he hates you all the time.

“What did I do?!” you pout, upset.

“Nothing, I just hate you.”

You frown and he kisses you, irritated:

“Tough it out, Princess! Life is cruel.”

3\. He tolerates your cat.

The fluffy thing can’t stand him. The feeling is mutual.

Every time kitty sees J, she hisses.

“Likewise!” he growls. But at night she cuddles by his side, purring and he purrs too. It’s a contest and J wins on a regular basis. He’s so proud of himself.

4\. He indirectly compliments you when you are insecure.

“My thighs are as big as tree trunks!” you complain, analyzing yourself the mirror.

“Who gave you that idea? Did somebody say something to you?” your boyfriend gets pissed, thinking he’s gonna kill the asshole that insulted his Queen.

“No…Yuck, all the cellulite,” you pinch your skin, horrified.

“Where?”

“Can’t you see?”

“Who the hell cares, woman?! You look fine. Stop your drama, I’m not in the mood!”

“I’m so fat!” you sigh, ignoring him.

“Yes, you are FAT: Fiesty, Annoying and Terrible!”

You finally smile and The Joker sniffles, not wanting to admit he loves it when he’s the source of your happiness.

5\. He lets you mess up his perfectly styled hair, aware it calms you down when you’re stressed out. Usually, J is the main source of that stress so…his way of making it up to you.

6\. He engages in foreplay (which he normally never has patience for) knowing how much you enjoy it.

7\. The Joker likes to expose himself to you as often as possible.

Takes his clothes off really fast, waiting for you to pass by when you walk in the backyard. Opens the glass sliding door too, just in case.

“Oh my God!” J hears you squeal.

“That’s right, Pumpkin, feast your eyes!” he nonchalantly stretches, flexing his muscles in the process.

“Oh my God!” another enthusiastic squeal. He arrogantly smirks, pleased with his achievement.

8\. J rubs your feet when they hurt after wearing high heels all day.

9\. He blows up the new house you bought since there’s no way he wants you to stay away from the penthouse.

“Baby, did you do this?!” you have to inquire again, frustrated.

“Nope.”

“Are you 100% sure?!”

“Innocent until proven guilty, Princess.”

10\. The Joker can’t sleep without you, that’s why you always have to get back by nightfall. If you don’t, the next day is his turn to keep you up all night… with sex. Gotta pay for those dark circles under his eyes.

11\. When you’re sick, he kidnaps the best doctors and brings them over to make sure you’re not dying or something.

12\. He makes your favorite tea, even if he thinks it’s too much work to boil the water.

13\. He actually takes into consideration what you like in bed and doesn’t give up until you scream his name like crazy.

14\. J turns one of the smaller bedrooms at the penthouse into your own ”girl room.”

Anything you might need is always there: tampons, make-up, perfume, favorite chocolate, body lotions, bubble bath, shower gels, pink champagne, condoms (although unused, but he thinks they look cool).

15\. The Joker cancels meetings when you send him naughty pics.

“Daddy, are you gonna make it home in time or should I start without you?”

16\. He pulls you in his lap when you pass by and just stares in your eyes without saying a word.

“Umm, you don’t like my outfit?” you try to guess, nervous.

No answer.

You become more anxious.

“You should have told me, I’ll go change.”

J keeps on staring.

“OK, I’ll be back shortly.”

You try to get up and he stops you.

“You’re pretty,” he sighs, softly kissing your lips.

17\. He counts the freckles on your shoulders when you sleep, hoping you’ll get more because he finds them cute.

18\. Your boyfriend lets you give him hickeys. It’s implied you’ll pay for it later but he likes it when you go crazy on him.

19\. The Joker floods the apartment you purchased yesterday.

Apparently, you won’t be able to live anywhere else but the penthouse.

“Baby, did you do this?!”

“Nope.”

“Are you lying to me?!”

“Innocent until proven guilty, Pumpkin.”

20\. When you take naps, he kisses the tip of your nose and watches you smile in your sleep. He finds it adorable.

21\. J makes sure you can’t walk straight for 2 or 3 days if you tease him while he has important business to attend to. But he also makes sure you get to relax with him in the Jacuzzi.

22\. He buys you a new cat after yours dies.

J hates cats but you like them so…perfect present.

The new kitty adores The King of Gotham, always purrs in his lap. At night, he purrs when you caress his hair and the cat purrs because J pets it. It’s puurrrfect.

23\. He texts you love poems (thanks to Google, appreciated nevertheless)

“Roses are red

Foxes are clever 

I like your butt

Let me touch it forever.”

24\. The Joker reads to you when you have bad cramps, aware that’s the only way you will dose off.

His favorite is “Database Issues in Geographic Information Systems”. Boring as hell, puts you out in less than 5 minutes, this way J doesn’t have to deal with your crankiness. Affection Joker style, but it still counts.

25\. He doesn’t kill you when you tell him you’re pregnant

He’s not big on kids, not thrilled when hearing the news. 

“Did you get pregnant on purpose, Princess?!” J interrogates.

“Nope.”

“Are you sure?!” your short reply makes him doubt.

“Innocent until proven guilty, baby.”


	2. 10 Things The Joker Hates About You

1\. Your kisses

The Joker can’t stand it when you sit in his lap and cover his face in soft kisses:

“Muah…muah… muah…” then peck the corners of his mouth, then his lips, smiling because he seems super crabby.

“Go away!” he growls, frowning.

“You really want me to go baby?” a disappointed Y/N asks.

“Yes…”

You sigh and try to get up, when J pulls you back in his arms and mutters:

“…In 5 minutes.”

“Really?” you giggle, excited he didn’t actually reject you.

The Joker huffs, pointing towards his cheek. “You missed a spot.”

“Did I?… I’m so sorry,” you rectify the mistake, kissing the neglected soft skin several times to make up for your horrible error. “Is that better?”

“Maybe,” he debates, holding you tighter.

2\. The way you spoil him

You pamper him with breakfast in bed and The King of Gotham likes to watch TV while you feed yourself and him with the delicious food.

“I hate it when you do this! I’m not helpless, you know?! “ but doesn’t move a single muscle that would indicate he would start eating on his own.

You seem upset with his statement so he points out towards the last piece of bacon on the platter:

“I want that one,” and waits.

The Joker ignores his heart beating faster when you give him that sweet smile of yours, happy to oblige.

He truly can’t stand you.

3\. The way you look at him

You always gaze at your boyfriend like he’s the most treasured possession in the world.

“Don’t look at me like that; I hate it!” J makes sure to admonish.

“Do you really?” a very discouraged Y/N sighs and her eyes get teary; bottom lip quivers too on top of everything.

“I do!” he snarls yet when he sees you’re almost crying, the rectification follows:

“But if you ever look at somebody else like that, I’m gonna kill you.”

“I swear I won’t! Never ever!” you are fast to underline and barely notice the entitled smirk on his face before it disappears.

Ugghhh, The Joker surely detests you.

4\. Your clothes

“I hate that dress!” J grouchily hisses.

You actually sewed it yourself with the customized fabric that has Property of Joker imprinted all over; took you two weeks to put it together.

“Do you really?” the painful tone makes him cringe.

“Com’ere!” he signals and you stop in front of him while he unbuttons two more buttons, this way he can see your lacy bra and cleavage. “That’s better! Learn how to wear stuff like this! You should know by now,” The Clown Prince of Crime crosses his legs, pretending not to notice your delight.

5\. The way you cured his insomnia

The Joker completely hates how you found the perfect remedy for his sleepless nights. You usually place a pillow on your tummy so he can rest in a way you can easily reach his hair to caress it, humming songs you make up just for him.

“This is ridiculous,” J complaints while your fingers twist and play with the green strands.”I’m not 4 years old, got it?”

You sigh and he hears it, correctly guessing your feelings are hurt since apparently you can’t get anything right.

“You can stop in 5 minutes,” The Joker mutters and in three more minutes he’s out cold, not waking up until morning comes.

He never disliked a girlfriend more.

6\. Your jealousy

If a woman looks his way more than 20 seconds, you go crazy. So many fights started because you just can’t think straight, jealous that somebody else wants him.

“This is beyond stupid!” J grumbles, fed up with your behavior.

“But you’re mine, nobody else’s!” you pout, kicking his shin.

“I’m not yours, woman! Do you understand?” the difficult Joker yells.

You gasp, appalled at his affirmation. You seem so lost he bites on his lip, continuing:

“Maybe for 5 minutes I can be…” he negotiates, rolling his eyes when you squeal and jump in his arms, excited he cut you some slack.

The stuff he has to put up with!

7\. The way you tend to his wounds

You are very gentle and careful when The Joker ends up with cuts and bruises.

You blow air on top of the wound, patching everything to perfection since you are a pro at this by now. You also kiss the bandage and all around it while he complaints:

“I’m not a child, Princess! I hate it when you treat me like one!”

Y/N is disheartened because her nursing capabilities are not appreciated.

“You missed a spot,” J gets worked up about it, showing his caregiver the space her lips didn’t touch.

“Did I?…I’m so sorry,” and you kiss the area at least 10 times, making up for your silly error.

How irritating to have a girlfriend that doesn’t pay attention!

8\. Your voice

The Joker thinks it’s the most annoying thing on the planet, that’s why when you are away for more than two hours J calls you so he can hear it.

“I called to tell you I hate you!” he sneers.

“Do you really?!” you whimper, saddened he has nothing nice to say.

“Yeah. I actually don’t want to talk to you!” he blurs out to your horror.

“OK baby…” you whisper, disappointed to he maximum and get ready to hang up when he mumbles.

“But maybe we can talk for 5 minutes…”

And the he keeps on yapping for another 30 minutes because he has plenty to share.

9\. Your compliments

He can’t stand how you always flatter him.

“You’re so handsome baby,” you trace his Damaged tattoo with your fingers, immersed in those blue eyes. “I’m lucky to have you.”

“I hate it when you talk like this! I don’t need your praise, I’m aware of my perfect looks,” he criticizes again.

Y/N takes a deep breath, holding in the tears.

And he can’t help it.

“What else you like about me?” The Joker puckers his lips, intrigued.

“Everything!!!! “ you almost scream. “Your butt, your abs, your soft skin, your eye lashes, your hands, your tattoos, your…” and you whisper the word in his ear, prompting a huge grin from his part.

“For reals?!” J gropes you, squeezing you closer to him on the couch.

You nod a yes, whispering more indecent things he actually finds irresistible.

“Are you hitting on me?” he purrs and you crawl on his knees, sulking.

“Yes, but too bad you hate me…I don’t like guys that hate me,” you kiss him and prepare to flee. He stops you.

“I don’t hate you that much,” he nibbles on your neck and you moan, his temper not allowing him to indulge more than necessary. “But only for an hour or two, then I’ll fully hate you again.”

“That’s fine,” that disarming smile makes him growl.

He never hated anybody more in his whole life!

10\. The way you sleep

You cuddle to him every night, holding on to The Joker like it’s your last day on Earth.

“Go on your side of the bed, Pumpkin. I hate it when you suffocate me like this!” he elbows you and you sniffle, not wanting to let go but you have no choice.

J hears you sobbing and he can’t handle it more than a few seconds.

He scoots over on your side, takes your hands and places them around his neck.

“Only for 5 minutes. Alright?”

“U-hum,” you fastly agree to his terms while he holds you so tight you can barely breathe. Because he hates you, obviously.

Why does she have to be so clingy? J wonders, nuzzling to your neck.

He passes out in a few moments, protesting when you try to move away from him after your 5 minutes are up.

“No…” he mutters, yanking at your waist and shoving himself into you.

The Joker feels the kiss on his shoulder and pinches your thigh, mad he can’t chase you away.

“I hate you Princess.”

“I know,” you actually smile, your heart skipping a beat.

Why?

Because Y/N figured that when The King of Gotham says he hates her, he actually means he likes her, otherwise he wouldn’t bother bringing it up every day.

Who can understand The Joker’s complicate personality anyway?

Apparently the woman he hates the most.


	3. 10 Things The Joker Randomly Does That Kind Of Prove He Cares

1\. J is in a good mood more often. It strangely happened after he met you: the first year he had two good days the whole year, the second year he had four and this year is about to have the sixth day and the year is not even over yet! A new record.

The King of Gotham calls you Insanity when he’s in a good mood; that’s the signal you can ask for pretty much whatever you want and he won’t say no.

“Hey Insanity,” J greets when you open your eyes in the morning.

You gasp. OMG, he’s gonna be in a good mood today, such a rare occurrence!

“Hi handsome,” you kiss him super-fast and don’t waste a single moment so you start your tirade:

“Can we spend the day at the beach?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can we make love instead of having sex?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can we hold hands more than 20 seconds?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can we say lovey-dovey things to each other?”

“Don’t push it, Insanity.”

Crap.

But you remember your secret weapon and sweetly smile. J squirms, uncomfortable. 

“Ummm…maybe…no guarantees.”

Jackpot!

“Can we make out for more than 10 minutes before you undress me?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can I call you “my sexy Metal Mouth” after you undress me?”

“Don’t push it, Insanity!”

Crap.

Oh no, here’s the sweet smile again and your boyfriend fusses under the covers, uneasy.

“Ummm…maybe…just once…no guarantees…”

Jackpot!

2\. The Joker never buys you flowers but he makes sure fresh ones are delivered for each room at the penthouse every three days. He likes to break a random one from the bouquets and places it behind your ear.

You’re usually reading a book but stop when he does that.

“Thank you baby,” and you smile in such a sweet way it catches him off guard. You go back to your reading and he sits there, staring and mumbling words. “Want me to get you anything?” you offer, turning the page; can’t really tell what he said.

“No, I have stuff to do!” he sulks, slowly walking away. What J actually said was that you look very cute with that flower but got pissed at himself since you almost heard him. A very unique way to give his girl flowers but it counts; gets a solid E for Effort.

3\. He is reeeaaally straining to do something nice for you once a month.

It’s July, 95 degrees out there; scorching hot and The Joker places his jacket around your shoulders. He saw that in a movie once and figured chicks dig it.

“I’m so hot already,” you try to give it back and see he’s getting angry and then it hits: must be that one nice thing he does monthly. “On the other hand, the air conditioning in the car is going to be full blast and you know I get cold easily.” You keep his jacket and J keeps his cool.

For August he plans to outrun every single nice thing he ever did for you: since you can’t swim he’s going to push you in the river, leave you in there for a bit and save you before you drawn. My God, you will love that for sure!

4\. He takes you to casinos because you like to gamble.

His business partners own your favorite so they close out and seal a whole room just for you two to play the slots machines.

“Baby, I’m not winning!” you stump your foot, pouting.

J loses his shit.

“Why is my girl not winning, hm?” he yells at the guys.

“Well, sir, it’s just luck,” one comments and The Clown Prince of Crime is not happy with the answer.

“My woman needs no luck, SHE HAS ME ! If she doesn’t win in the next 15 minutes, you’ll see what happens !!!!” and J hands you over another stack of 100 dollars bills because you like to play maximum bet and you run out of money pretty fast.

Fortunately, you win $100,000 and it makes you so excited you jump up and down, clapping and laughing. The Joker is excited too for a different reason: he keeps on glaring at your cleavage and your boobs almost bursting out of the tight fabric.

You don’t collect the money because you don’t need it: you just like to win. The blue eyed devil just KNOWS you will be this enthusiastic next month also when he will toss you in the river to let you drawn. You will certainly jump up and down after he saves you.

Probably J’s gonna have a huge surprise regarding his plan, but for now we’ll let him believe in his dream; gets a solid D for Delusional.

5\. The Joker goes insane if he only gets a hint somebody is disrespecting his Queen.

Once he shot somebody because the man said “hello” to you and J didn’t like the tone of his voice. Actually, the dude had a cold; that’s why he sounded weird. Oops!

Another time J thought a guy was giving you the evil eye and stabbed him on the spot.Actually, the dude just had corrective eye surgery and was blinking faster than normal. Oops!

Today is legit though. Both walked in at the meeting right when two smugglers were talking garbage about his Princess. They were saying you look average, not that attractive and The Joker could do better.

He absolutely lost his marbles ! Beat them to a pulp while screaming:

“My woman is not that attractive?! By whose standards you pieces of shit ?! Every time I look at her, my pants are getting tighter !! Do you understand what I’m saying?! I like her and that’s the only standard there is!” and he keeps on kicking them and punching them, completely out of control.

After he’s done and your henchmen take bodies away, you have to ice his bruised up hands; the skin is scraped too.

“Thank you,” you kiss his knuckles and emerge them back in the iced water, smitten by his actions. “Nobody did this for me before, you’re my hero,” you point out, drunk on euphoria.

“This town already has a hero; goddamned Batsy takes all the glory! The bastard is selfish, hates to share the spotlight!” J rolls his eyes.

“Who cares about him?! You’re my hero,” you kiss him and have to say: “I think your pants are getting tighter,” and he growls:

“Either I need new pants or I need to get laid.”

“We’ll go with the second option, OK?” you sweetly smile again and he’s feeling warmer even with his hands in ice.

“If you insist,” he sighs, hating the fact that he did two nice things for you this month instead of just one.

6\. The Joker can’t cook but once a week he makes breakfast in bed. 

Takes him an hour and a half to finish and you are famished. Finally shows up with toast, a boiled egg and salt.

“What took you so long? I’m starving!” you whine, seeing there is almost nothing on your plate…again.

“You can’t rush these things, Kitten ! It has to be perfect, OK?” he raises his voice and you realize you talked too much.

“It is very good,” you take a bite of your toast. “You are getting better and better at this!” you praise his aptitudes and strike his ego.

“I am basically a chef,” J concludes and you peck his cheek, mesmerized by how he has such an outstanding opinion about himself.

“And my hero,” you add and he takes a deep breath, pride making his chest go up and down faster. “Batsy can’t even compare to you.”

“Precisely, Pumpkin. He’s just a psycho out of control.”

“Indeed,” you agree, wanting to emphasize that nobody is sexier than your sexy Metal Mouth but you already used the opportunity when he was in a good mood the other day so you shut up.

7\. J is aware you love his purple coat so he custom ordered an outfit for you made of the same crock material, this way you match.

It’s a two piece ensemble: a very skimpy little bra and an equally flimsy thong, only for him to see. You were thinking you’re getting a halter top and a skirt or something? Ha! Forget about it!

8\. The Joker comforts you when you cry.

“Seriously, Kitten, you’re not ugly,” he caresses your hair while holding you in his arms.

“I am ugly!!” you continue to bawl, making a mess of his favorite silver shirt.

“Hey, look at me,” J lifts your chin up, forcing your eyes to meet, this way maybe he can save whatever is left of his shirt also. “When I wake up in the morning and I see you, I don’t get scared. If you were ugly, I would freak out. But I don’t, which means you look fine.”

“You mean it?” you sniffle, squeezing him harder.

“Absolutely. It could be much worse.”

“So now I look bad and I could look worse in the future?!” whaling restarts.

He walked right into this one unprepared.

“Nahhhh, it can’t get worse than this,” he kisses you and then adds since you cry your eyes out. “ What the hell, I’m teasing; calm down woman! Crying makes you very ugly!”

You stop instantly.

I guess he was prepared after all.

9\. He gives you massages even if you don’t ask for them.

For some reason, his hands always slip in your undies.

“That’s not my back,” you utter and J is quick to respond:

“My bad, Pumpkin.”

For some reason, his hands always get to your boobs afterwards.

“That’s not my back.”

“My bad, Princess.”

“Did you just say my Bat?” you tease and your butt gets pinched.

“Hilarious! Want him to come and give you a massage too?!”

“I wouldn’t mind,” the reply makes The Joker turn you around and you get pinned under his body.

“Watch it, you bad girl!” he snarls, smelling your freshly washed hair.

“Did you just say Bat girl?” you giggle and he grinds his teeth:

“Are you starting to get a kink for Batsy?”

“Me?! No way! I like my hero,” you stretch your neck to kiss him and he purrs, wanting to get the most out of it.

“I am your hero; remember that next month in August,OK?”

He is surely referring to that nice thing he’ll do for you when you’ll be pushed in the river to drawn and he’ll save you in the last moment. Oh, yeah, you’ll enjoy it tremendously!

10\. J learns French just for you.

Spent the whole day fussing around with the dictionary, three laptops and five books until he realized he got what he wanted out of it.

“Princess, I’m done,” your boyfriend announces, victorious.

You can’t wait to hear everything, you’re gonna lose your mind. The Joker takes a deep breath and pronounces with perfect accent:

“Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” (Do you want to sleep with me tonight?)

That’s all he knows.

Holy Commissar Gordon! That’s sooo hot because it’s the only French you know too. Plus the answer:

“Oui, (yes)“ you wink at him and he is totally turned on.

“Oh my God, Y/N, you didn’t tell me you speak French fluently!”

“Surprise,” you grin, signaling him to come closer. “We gotta compare notes, don’t you think?”

“Definitely,” J licks his lips, ready to comply since his pants are getting tighter.

Hmmm…either he needs new pants or he needs to get laid. I suppose you’ll go with the second option one more time.


	4. 13 Hints The Joker Wants A Baby

1\. He buys you a dog in order to assess your maternal instincts.

“Go away, I’m not in the mood!” you chase the pup away when it tries to play with you.

My God, she has amazing skills; motherhood will fit her like a glove ! your boyfriend thinks, totally and utterly charmed with your caring abilities.

2\. The Joker gets a small indoor plant as a gift to see how you do with it.

You don’t like to take care of anything so it dies in 4 days.

Wow, the plant survived for a while ! My Princess will be a stellar mom! Her nurturing capabilities are beyond average!!! he admits to himself, feeling such pride his heart is about to burst with delight.

3\. J orders Frost to bring his baby over to the Penthouse and watches your reaction.

You hold the little boy for about 20 seconds before passing him back to his dad:

“Ugghh, no thank you.”

I’ll be damned, she’s a natural ! Great instincts ! She’s not my Queen for nothing! he hums, completely smitten with your motherly affection.

4\. The Joker slowly drives by playgrounds to see if it will awake the mom in you again.

“I hate kids!” you grumble, frowning when you hear the screaming offsprinsgs playing and running around.

My Doll is perfect! She already knows exactly what to say and what to do. Incredible! the green haired pest reckons with a huge grin, not even paying attention to driving. Almost crushes the car into a school bus.

“Move it faster!” he gets pissed. “Why does everyone have to wait on these useless children?!”

J has marvelous parenting skills also.

You are more than exhilarated noticing how doting and considerate he seems: 

“Right babe?”

“Right!” he growls, honking like crazy.

5\. J sees mating signs when there are none.

You barely finished your morning routine, didn’t even comb your hair yet and crawl in the kitchen for coffee wearing an oversized sweater that looks like a garbage bag.

“Why are you teasing me, hm?” he purrs, sipping on his mocca.

“Huh?” you rub your eyes, still out of it.

“Com’ere, Y/N, ” he gestures with his finger.

“For what?” you yawn, but comply.

“Fun times!” he smirks and you take your sweater off, tired as hell.

“I guess so…” you scratch your arm and straddle his lap, half asleep.

She’s so energetic and enthusiastic, The King of Gotham reckons. My Pumpkin will win the “Mother of The Year” award when the time comes.

6\. He feels the need to share on his idea with important people in his life.

The list is short.

J lights up a Batsy signal and leaves a note for him:

“I’m going to be a dad before you. I win again. HA!HA!HA!HA! HA!HA!HA!HA!”

Great! Exactly what this town needs: a Clown baby, Bruce sighs, cringing at the idea of you two being parents. I bet you anything the lunatics will ask me to babysit.

Batsy is correct: The Joker already typed a schedule on his laptop.

7\. He leaves you encrypted messages on the fridge.

J keeps on rearranging the letter magnets every day:

“Me and you equals 3”, “ one for now– more later,” “ one plus one plus one plus one,”Y/N plus J doesn’t equal two.”

For a genius, he can’t even count, you smile, blissfully unaware on his plans. Why would he tell you anyway? Things are better when they’re complicated.

8\. The Joker makes sure you go to a baby shower.

Panda’s wife is pregnant. Lots of other pregnant women around, all complaining about the hardships their bodies are going through.

You just watch and listen.

“Suckers, they did that to themselves,” you whisper to your boyfriend, snickering. “Who needs kids anyway?! They’re loud, they stink and they cry all the time.”

You boyfriend gets overwhelmed with your answer.

She’s remarkable! My Doll will be such a phenomenal mom! She is basically begging me to get her pregnant at this point, J concludes, thrilled to see how well you’re doing with his little tests.

9\. He reads stuff on Google.

Apparently, some couples get pregnant right away when they try for a baby, some try for months, even years.

Months? Years?! he huffs. Unheard off! That’s for commoners and peasants, we’re royalty; I can knock her up by the end of the week, J arrogantly concludes since he has a very good opinion about his expertise in the field.

Oh, there you are dragging your feet, wearing that huge sweater again and looking like crap first thing in the morning.

“You like to tease me, hm?” The Joker licks his lips, aroused.

“What?” you pout with only one eye opened.

“Com’ere,” he commands and you obey, taking your garment off and straddling his lap, almost falling asleep on his shoulder.

This impressive maternal aura she has, J thinks. My Princess will be able to keep up with that baby like it’s nothing: her stamina and focus are off the charts!

10\. He feels up the bedroom next to the master bedroom with toys and teddy bears.

“What do we need this for?!” you sulk, upset he’s such a hoarder.

“You never know when we’ll need it,” The Joker winks and you’re suspicious.

“I’m not going to another baby shower, if that’s what you’re implying! Seeing pregnant women depressed me, they looked so miserable. Yuck, just the thought of having a kid keeps me up at night,” you shiver with anxiety.

I was correct, he joyfully figures out. She is so impatient to have a baby!

11\. J shows you baby pictures on his cellphone.

“Which one do you think it’s cuter, Kitten?”

“NONE!” you bitterly reply and once more, he is astonished.

Definitely got a winning lottery ticket with my woman, The Clown Prince of Crime firmly believes. She’s so affectionate and altruistic!

12\. He takes you on a robbery at…a baby store.

“What the hell are we doing here, J ?!” you get frustrated since this is a waste of time.

“We need supplies,” his short reply and the grin make you skeptical.

“I already told you I’m not going to another baby shower ! Just look at all this nonsense, completely useless and irritating!” your tirade makes his heart stop.

My Y/N is a certified overachiever! The Joker flashes his silver smile at you, stashing everything he can get his hands on in huge duffle bags for his men to carry out. Our kid will be so spoiled and pampered; certainly winning “Mother of The Year” award when the time comes. No doubt about it !

13\. The Joker takes the day off when you tell him you’re pregnant.

Not that he has to since he doesn’t have a real job…

But he’s over the moon and you are very grouchy, unhappy with the news.

The dog comes over to play and J is fast to snap and chase it away:

“Get lost, mutt !! I don’t have time for this now!!”

Waahhh, you hold your breath, enchanted. At least he will have spectacular parenting skills. Shit, he might even win “The Father of the Year” award!


End file.
